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You’re calmly washing dishes when your child storms in, demanding a snack in the most disrespectful tone.
You breathe. You try to model calm. You even say, “I love you. But please speak to me more kindly.”
You expect it to land. But instead, your child snaps back, louder this time: “You NEVER listen! I hate you!”
Cue the stress. The frustration. That surge of adrenaline that makes you want to yell, withdraw, or just lose it.
Parenting isn’t about staying calm so your child will stay calm. It’s about staying grounded so you can hold the container when they fall apart.
When your child gets pushy or explosive, you have two vital jobs:
- Hold the feelings: Validate the big emotions.
- Hold the line: Maintain firm, respectful boundaries.
That’s what real mindful parenting looks like. It’s not about being perfect in your delivery. It’s about presence, regulation, and showing up, again and again.
Want more mindful parenting strategies for handling these exact moments?
Inside the Conscious Mommy Community, my workshop Mindful Parenting in Action helps you recognize how unprocessed anxiety and internal noise pull you out of presence with your child...and how to gently return to yourself. You'll learn 3 innovative mindfulness tools that support non-reactive parenting...without needing to sit still or meditate. Let's embody more self-awareness, compassion, and presence...together. See you inside!
Affirmation: Your child’s behavior is not a reflection of how effective your parenting is. Your behavior… is.
If you're the type of parent who wonders, Why do I have no patience with my child, then you're in great company. When your child gets pushy or explosive, your parenting skills are being tested in real time. Let’s break it down with real-life tips you can rely on to stay calm, connected, and effective.
What to Do When Your Kid Tests Your Patience
Most parents ask me: How do you develop patience in children? The best way to raise a patient child is to learn how to be patient with your child. Children's nervous systems usually mirror their parent's nervous systems. One of the most supportive skills you can work on is regulating your system and addressing your triggers.
Like everything in parenting, having patience with kids is a practice. And like any practice, it requires repetition, self-awareness, and compassion...toward your child and yourself.
So when your child screams, talks back, or refuses to cooperate, your first task is to listen within.
Start with You: The Power of a Deep Breath
In moments of high stress, the body responds automatically (i.e.: heart racing, breath shortening, muscles tensing). That’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
My book, Parent Yourself First, has several chapters dedicated to helping you understand this protective response and how it came to be. For our purposes in this article today, what's most important to know is this:
Your protectors take you out of the present moment. You're trapped in fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or fix.
At the same time, your kids need you dialed in to the moment. They need to feel your presence, which is grounding, safe, and supportive for them.
Here's how to get there:
Practice taking one conscious breath before responding. Inhale for four. Exhale for six. Feel your feet on the ground. Release the tension in your jaw by massaging your masseter muscles. A small mindfulness practice like this says to your brain: I’m safe. I’m in charge.
That deep breath is your anchor...and your child’s co-regulation cue.
Why Am I So Impatient With My Child?
Parenting touches every wound, every unmet need, and every place inside us that still longs to feel seen, heard, understood, and safe.
When a child gets pushy, disrespectful, or emotionally volatile, it can feel like a personal attack, especially if you didn’t get what you needed growing up.
This is where your inner work and mindfulness practice intersect. Becoming a more patient parent requires acknowledging your triggers and unmet needs without judgment.
You might say to yourself:
- This isn’t about me.
- My child is dysregulated, not dangerous.
- I can meet this moment with calm and clarity.
Mindful parenting isn’t about never being impatient ever again. That's unrealistic. It’s about feeling your feelings, responding to your needs, and discovering more attunement with your children. It's about having realistic expectations in any given moment, and allowing yourself to be fully present to the here-and-now.
Holding the Feelings and Holding the Line
When your child explodes, melts down, or lashes out, your job is to be like Mary Poppins. Ms. Poppins was a rock-star in validating emotions and remaining firm on limits. She did this so well by incorporating the 3C's of discipline: she was clear in her directive giving, she was consistent in her approach, and she maintained connection, keeping the relationship warm with play and fun.
Here's how to bring a little bit of Mary Poppins parenting into your family life:
1. Hold the Feelings
Your children need you to acknowledge their inner world with compassion. The more they feel understood by you, the more willing they are to cooperate with you:
- “You’re really upset right now.”
- “Something big is going on inside you.”
- “I can see this is hard for you.”
This makes their emotional experience feel less overwhelming. It builds trust in the child-parent relationship. And it communicates that you are a safe person...even in a chaotic emotional moment.
2. Hold the Line
Limits and boundaries help children feel safe. When you confidently hold limits without exerting excessive force, power, or control, your kids learn to trust your leadership. They see you as a steady, sturdy guide as you model for them what healthy, cooperative relationships look like.
You can calmly say:
- “It's not okay to speak to me like that, love.”
- “Your voice is at a 10. Please bring it to a 5 so we can figure this out together.”
- “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to say hurtful words.”
This keeps you anchored in respectful parenting, even when your child is not being respectful in return.
Be an Emotion Coach, Not a Behavior Cop
Once things settle, support your child in expressing themselves more effectively. You might try:
- “Here’s a better way to say what you need.”
- “Can you show me what you’re feeling using your words?”
- “Were you feeling scared, sad, or frustrated?”
Remember: it's not about will, it's about skill. When kids act out, it's a sign that they're still learning all of the important social and emotional skills that we want them have.
Compliance and obedience for the sake of it isn't what we're after as mindful parents. Raising patient kids means we're supporting them with developing healthy skills like emotional regulation, effective communication, mutual cooperation, collaboration, and critical thinking.
When You’re Burned Out or At Your Breaking Point
Sometimes your child’s behavior is relentless. And you’re just… done. That’s real life. And we've all been there. Are you even a parent in 2025 if you're not burned out at least one time during the week? Let's be so forreal, please.
An important part of your mindfulness practice is tuning into your own needs:
- Are you feeling sleep-deprived?
- Have you had enough water or food today? What's your nutrition looked like over the past week?
- Do you need a 10-minute reset? (If you've been checking off your to-do list, then the answer is: YES!)
- What have you done for joy or pleasure today? (Yes, you should be doing something joyful or pleasurable every day. I promise you will feel better if you do.)
- Have you had a walk or some gentle movement yet?
Protect your nervous system like it’s sacred...because it is. You deserve to feel good in your own body.
When you consciously care for your mental health, you parent with more capacity, patience, and flexibility.
Can Kids Benefit From Mindfulness Practice?
Absolutely. But not through lectures or forced meditations.
Remember: children exist in the here-and-now naturally. You don't need to teach mindfulness to children.
Instead, you can build more emotional intimacy with your child by joining them in mindful moments:
- Take a few deep breaths together (My kids and I listen to calming music and practice feeling our bellies blow up like a balloon and then deflate just before we start reading our books. It's a very calming nightly ritual that we all look forward to.)
- Walk barefoot outside and notice nature
- Blow and pop bubbles
- Lay still in bed and listen to all of the nighttime sounds together
The easiest way to commit to a mindfulness practice with your children is to put down your phones and eliminate excess distractions. Once you do that, you'll notice that time moves a little slower. Your system will thank you for your efforts.
How to Stay Calm When Your Kid is Driving You Crazy
Some days feel impossible. That’s not a failure...it’s your signal to dig a little deeper. You might be overstimulated, emotionally drained, or reacting from unprocessed stress.
Here’s what helps:
- Name what's happening for you: “This is a hard parenting moment.” Naming activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps to shift you out of the stress-arousal response and back into the here-and-now.
- Touch something grounding: Cold water, a floor mat, or even a soft blanket. The key here is to find something soothing and pleasant to focus your attention on.
- Orient to your space: Scan around for something that feels calming and pleasant to look at. Maybe it's a lovely plant, a beautiful picture, or the way the light shines through the window. Doing so teaches your nervous system to re-balance and regulate, even in a moment of stress.
These are mini mindfulness practices that protect your mental health and help you be the calm, mindful parent that you know you are.
How to Develop Patience in Children
Children don’t learn patience from being told to wait. They learn it through experience.
They need you to help them understand what's happening inside for them, while also finding more useful ways to express what they need.
Try these tips:
- Practice taking turns during play
- Use visual timers for transitions
- Ask them to hold their thought when they're interrupting you
- Narrate your own patience: “I feel frustrated, but I’m waiting calmly.”
Patience is a developmental skill. Trust that overtime, your child will develop more frustration tolerance, and thus, more patience.
Final Thought: Take Care of Yourself
Let go of the belief that mindful parenting means quiet, compliant children. It doesn’t.
It means you stay regulated...even when they don’t.
It means you hold the line...with warmth and clarity.
It means you continue to repair, reconnect, and grow.
Because that’s what builds a secure, loving family dynamic rooted in emotional safety.
Remember: Being gentle with your child does not guarantee that they will be gentle back. We do it anyway...to give them the experience of being loved and held even in their most difficult moments.
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Relevant Resources:
🔗 Managing Triggers and Reducing Guilt Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community
📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.
