This week, as devastating fires sweep through Los Angeles, thousands of families face displacement and loss.
Parents are juggling impossible logistics while processing their own grief – all while trying to maintain stability for their children who are watching, feeling, and absorbing these events alongside us.
If you're one of these parents, I want you to know: it's okay to be overwhelmed.
It's okay to not have perfect answers.
It's okay to be learning how to navigate grief while helping your children do the same.
And it’s ok to not know how to explain things to your kids when you're still processing yourself, or how to create stability when everything feels uncertain.
First, know this: you're doing an incredible job just by showing up.
Your awareness of your children's needs, even in the midst of your own grief, shows what an attuned parent you are.
Children need a safe space to process these experiences in their own way, just as we do. The grief isn't something to fix or hide from – I dedicate an entire chapter to helping kids with stress and anxiety in my book Parent Yourself First, because it's something we learn to grow through with our children – together
How Children Experience Grief Differently
When community trauma strikes, children process loss in ways that catch us off guard.
If your child is laughing and playing while you're still wrapping your head around the magnitude of loss, then suddenly dissolving into tears over a seemingly small thing – don’t try to analyze it. There’s a simple explanation:
Their brains process big emotions in bursts because that's all they can handle at once.
This is why they need us to be their steady anchor, even as we navigate our own grief.
The question is: how do we do that without losing ourselves in the process?
Understanding Child Grief Stages
Yes – the way children display grief often surprises us. One moment they're deeply sad about leaving their favorite park behind, the next they're excitedly planning a new adventure. This isn't denial – it's how children cope with big changes.
Young children especially move through grief in waves. They take in only what they can handle, then return to play as a way to process and heal. Play allows them to release the stress and tension that often accompanies grief.
Creating Safe Spaces During Life Changes
When familiar routines disappear, children need new anchors. When they can grasp onto anything that feels predictable, they’re going to feel more secure, even in such a vulnerable life moment. Imagine these anchors are a portable sense of home. Maybe it's the way you sing their favorite song, or how you always say "I love you" three times. These small constants help children manage uncertainty.
Most importantly, you become their safe space. Your consistent presence matters more than perfect words or answers.
Helping Children Understand Big Feelings
Your child's mental health matters now more than ever. Children often experience grief physically before they can name it emotionally. Watch for:
- Changes in sleep or eating patterns
- New fears about separation
- Different ways of playing out scenarios
- Unexpected emotional outbursts
These aren't signs something's wrong – they're signs your child is working through complex emotions the best way they know how. Especially in the wake of disaster, expect that issues like these will arise for your kids. If you allow yourself to speak about the unspeakable, these issues won’t get stuck in your child’s body (producing a traumatic stress response.) Give it time for the dust to settle. As you regain your footing (following any traumatic life event), if your child continues to show signs of distress for one month (or more), contact a licensed child play therapist to support your family further.
Supporting Children Through Loss
Your children are learning how to cope with grief, loss, stress, and anxiety by watching you cope.
This doesn't mean hiding your own feelings. It means showing them that it's okay to:
- Feel sad and hopeful in the same day
- Miss what was while building something new
- Need extra hugs some days and space on others
Helping Children Adapt to Change
Change asks a lot of our kids. Their whole world might feel wobbly right now. You can help them find their footing by:
Creating Predictable Moments
Even in temporary spaces, maintain small rituals. Morning cuddles, bedtime stories, or special ways of saying goodbye can help children navigate transitions.
Allowing Space for All Feelings
When children know their big feelings won't overwhelm you, they feel safer expressing them. Sometimes they just need to hear "I understand why you'd feel that way." Sometimes, they just need to let it all out in a big cry (or a big roar). I know it’s hard, but stay present to the best of your ability. Don’t focus on fixing it. Feelings aren’t meant to be fixed. They’re meant to be felt. Let your kid fully feel, which will allow them to experience a full release, too.
Building New Memories
While honoring what's lost, help children discover joy in new experiences. This teaches them resilience isn't about not feeling sad – it's about holding space for both grief and growth.
When Extra Support Helps
Sometimes children need additional help processing life changes. Professional support isn't a sign of failure – it's a tool for helping children manage overwhelming experiences. Consider reaching out to a play therapist who specializes in trauma if you notice ongoing:
- Difficulty with daily activities
- Expression of hopelessness
- Major changes in behavior
- Intense anxiety about future changes
Remember This:
You and your child are built for resilience. Not because you won't struggle – but because you can learn to hold both the hard and the hopeful parts of life at once.
The goal isn't to avoid pain or rush through grief. It's to learn how to be with it, grow through it, and maybe even find unexpected moments of connection along the way.
Big changes ask a lot of us as parents. But they also give us chances to show our children what it means to be human - to feel deeply, to struggle sometimes, and to keep going anyway.
Take it one day at a time, conscious parents. And for the families who have been displaced by the LA Fires or any natural disasters, take it one moment at a time. You're doing so much better than you think.
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Relevant Resources:
- When Your Kid is Anxious Understand why your child is struggling with anxiety, and ways to help. You’ll learn how to:some text
- Recognize signs of anxiety in your children.
- The reasons why many children are more anxious today than we’ve observed before.
- How to support your child’s anxiety and help them build hope and feel relief.
Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community
- Parent Yourself First: Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. Bryana dedicates an entire chapter to helping you build a unified approach to parenting with your parenting partner. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Order Yours
