Helping children calm down during emotional outbursts can be challenging. Young kids, especially those between the ages of 3 and 7, are still learning to manage their emotions and need our guidance to develop effective self-regulation skills. Here are some practical, relatable, and actionable tips to help your child calm down when they need it most.
Calm Yourself First
The Importance of Parental Calm
Before you can help your child calm down, it’s essential to ensure you are calm yourself. A dysregulated parent cannot effectively calm a dysregulated child. Think of it like the safety instructions on an airplane: you need to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. When you are calm, you are better equipped to handle your child’s emotional needs and provide them with the support they require. Taking a moment to center yourself can make a significant difference in how you respond to your child’s distress.
Techniques for Parents to Stay Calm
If your child’s behavior has worked you up, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. You might find it helpful to step away for a moment to gather your thoughts. Simple mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on your breath or repeating a calming phrase to yourself, can be very effective. Remember, your calm presence will help your child feel more secure and supported.
Recognizing When Your Child Needs Help Calming Down
Understanding when your child might need help calming down is crucial. Triggers can vary widely from child to child, but common situations include transitions (like moving from playtime to bedtime), sensory overload, frustration with tasks they can’t complete, or feeling misunderstood. High-strung kids often react intensely to these triggers. Recognizing these moments can help you intervene early with effective calming techniques. When you notice signs of distress, such as crying, tantrums, or withdrawal, it’s time to step in and help your child ease their negative emotions.
1. Validate Your Child’s Feelings
Children need to feel understood. Validate their feelings by acknowledging them. Say things like, “I see you’re feeling upset,” or “It’s okay to feel sad.” This simple act can significantly calm your child by making them feel heard and understood. When your child starts to cry because they want a toy at the store, kneel down and say, “I see you’re upset because you really want that toy. It’s okay to feel disappointed.” This approach helps them feel validated, leading to fewer tantrums over time as they learn that their feelings are respected and understood. Validation is not about giving in to their demands but about showing empathy and teaching them that it’s okay to have emotions. Over time, this method can help them develop better emotional resilience and self-regulation skills. You can also use this approach during other stressful times, such as when they are frustrated with homework or upset about a friend. Consistently validating their feelings teaches them to acknowledge and manage their emotions in a healthy way.
2. Make Calming, Slow-Paced Mindful Breathing Fun to Learn
Teaching kids to take deep breaths is one of the simplest and most effective calming techniques. Rather than simply telling your child to breathe, engage their imagination with the task. They can “catch a bubble” by pretending to blow a bubble gently and then slowly take a deep breath to keep it from popping. This makes the act of taking deep breaths fun and engaging. Another creative approach is to introduce “flower breaths,” where your child inhales deeply through their nose as if they’re smelling a flower for a count of four, and then exhales slowly as if they’re blowing out a birthday candle for another count of four. This method helps children learn to slow down and focus on their breathing, making it easier for them to calm down when they feel overwhelmed. The key is to be creative and make the breathing exercises enjoyable so that they are more likely to practice and use them during times of stress. Teaching kids these breathing exercises provides them with essential tools for calming down, ensuring that they have strategies to help them manage their emotions.
3. Use a Calming Touch
A gentle touch can work wonders in helping children calm down. Physical contact, such as a hug, a back rub, or holding their hand, can provide a sense of security and comfort. Explain to your child that whenever they feel upset, they can ask for a “calm hug” or a “comfort touch” to help them feel better. This simple act can soothe their nervous system and make them feel supported. If your kiddo gets dysregulated easily during a stressful morning rush, take a moment to connect with them. Kneel down and offer a gentle hug while saying, “Let’s take a deep breath together.” This not only helps to ease their stress but also shows them that you are there to support them through their feelings. Creating a routine around this calming touch can make it a reliable tool that your child can turn to whenever they need to calm down. Calming down a child in this manner helps them feel more secure and teaches them how to seek comfort when needed.
4. Make a Glitter Calm-Down Bottle
Creating a glitter calm-down bottle can be a magical experience for children. Fill a bottle with water, glitter glue, and loose glitter. When shaken, the swirling glitter captivates children’s attention, helping them focus and calm down. It’s a visual and sensory calming activity that works wonders. You can involve your child in making the bottle, letting them choose their favorite colors and glitter shapes, making it a personalized calming tool. During a meltdown over a toy, handing your child the glitter bottle and saying, “Watch the glitter until it settles,” can help them calm down and become ready to talk about their feelings. This method not only provides a distraction but also teaches them to pause and observe, which can be a valuable skill in managing their emotions. The glitter bottle can become a go-to tool for calming down in various situations, whether at home, in the car, or even at a relative’s house. Using a glitter bottle is one of the many effective calming strategies for toddlers and older children alike.
5. Wiggle Your Fingers and Toes
This simple activity helps children reconnect with their bodies and divert their attention from what’s upsetting them. Encourage your child to wiggle their fingers and toes slowly. This can help them feel more grounded and calm. You can turn this into a fun game by asking your child to wiggle their toes and count them, then do the same with their fingers. This not only distracts them but also makes them giggle, turning a potentially stressful situation into a fun and calming one. During long car rides when children can become agitated, the wiggle game can be a great way to keep them entertained and calm. It’s an easy, no-preparation-required activity that can be used anywhere and at any time, making it a versatile tool in your calming strategies for kids. Encouraging kids to wiggle their fingers and toes can help them calm down and regain control over their emotions.
Additional Strategies for Calming Children
Create a Calm-Down Kit
A calm-down kit can be a lifesaver in moments of high stress. Fill a box or bag with items that help your child feel calm and secure. This could include a favorite stuffed animal, a small blanket, a stress ball, or even a favorite book. The idea is to have a variety of items that can help distract and soothe your child when they are feeling overwhelmed. Encourage your child to use their calm-down kit whenever they feel upset. This proactive approach gives them the tools to manage their emotions independently and can be a great addition to your calming strategies for kids. Including fidget toys in the kit can be particularly helpful for children with ADHD or anxiety, as they provide a tactile way to release stress and focus their energy.
Teach Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that involves tensing and then slowly relaxing different muscle groups in the body. Teaching kids this technique can help them become more aware of their physical tension and learn to release it. Start by having your child sit or lie down comfortably. Guide them through tensing and relaxing each muscle group, starting from their toes and working up to their head. For example, you can say, “Squeeze your toes tight, hold for a count of five, and then slowly relax.” Repeat this for each muscle group. This practice can help calm their nervous system and reduce stress. This method is not only beneficial for calming down children but can also be an effective tool for teens and adults dealing with stress and anxiety.
Conclusion
These five tips can help your child learn how to calm down more effectively. Each technique is designed to be simple, engaging, and easy to integrate into daily life. By understanding their triggers, using fun and practical strategies, and validating their feelings, you can support your child in developing better self-regulation skills. Remember, patience and consistency are key as your child learns these new ways to manage their emotions.
